My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
