Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize