saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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