This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
