We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
