I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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