So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
