I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
