Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
