Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
