do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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