Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
