why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize