Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
