I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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