if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
