So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
