Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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