My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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