I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
