dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
