I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
