i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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