booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
