Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
