i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
