Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
