im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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