I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
