I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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