hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
