Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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