Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i used baking grease as lip gloss
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
