you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
be right there i have to get my cape
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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