Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
