In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
