Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
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