You can't motorboat a personality
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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