I checked into jail on foursquare
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
