I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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