why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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