my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize