Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
