I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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