When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
