Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
