ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
