So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Even my vagina gasped.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
