Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
