Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize