I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
