Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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