Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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