I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
