Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
