No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
