My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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