after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i drank out of a bidet.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
