found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
