it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize