its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize