Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
