Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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