Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
