I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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