wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He kissed a someone with a penis
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
