Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
