Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
two words: eviction party
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
