He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
