hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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