he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
