I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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