I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
