my vag is so smooth its legendary
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
