I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
