have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
