just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
