Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
