I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
