Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Also, beer. Big fan.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
