If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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