Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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