didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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