That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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