someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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