if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
