I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
