Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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